I don’t know about you, but for me (circa 2012), if somebody asked me if I loved myself I would take that as a negative. Nowadays, loving yourself SEEMS popular, but do you actually, truly love yourself or are you just conforming to your favourite instagram influencer. I think probably more the latter.
I always say this, but you are with yourself forever. You should never, ever feel guilty for putting yourself first. That may sound shallow, but you have to put yourself first in a selfless way... now there’s a riddle for you. Happiness, love, joy, all of life’s greatest pleasures comes from within you. So many of us are so negative about ourselves, but why? There’s certain personality traits we hate, we hate the way our bodies look... I hear it all the time. And I guarantee you’ve put a failed relationship down to one of these attributes you dislike about yourself too, haven’t you. Whilst we’re on that topic, you can’t go through life without getting your heart broken. This has nothing to do with loving yourself or not. You can do all the right things and be the worlds kindest person, but sometimes you’re not seen as you should be. Moving on...
Loving yourself really comes from your appreciation and understanding of growth. We naturally grow as humans, but what we lack is the visualisation of growth and we forget to praise ourselves for it. I think as we age, we learn to love ourselves more. We understand that being you is pretty amazing. When you have accepted who you are, your life becomes so much easier. It sounds stupid, but you think more logically, you have more time to do things you love (hear me out on this one), and you become fully aware of what you deserve in and out of life.
Loving yourself doesn’t come easy. It doesn’t just happen over night. It takes time, practice, understanding, recitement. Always remember, you are what you choose to become and you need to start by having the courage to figure this out and start moving forward with it. If something is making you miserable, make a change. Do a great big U turn and (scuzé my French) fuck anyone else’s opinion of your new journey, because life still has so much more for you and I want you to tell yourself you deserve it.
Becoming more aware of the friendships you have out of habit rather than out of actual love is a huge step into loving yourself. It’s okay to say no sometimes. No to people, a party, a family member you don’t want to be involved with, a task at work.. never feel guilty for knowing what makes you happy. If you don’t feel like it’s worth your energy, you deserve to let it go.
Once you become at peace with yourself, your whole world will slot into place. If you’ve never tried just being alone, try it. I went away on my own, for a night (baby steps), in October, and it quite literally changed my life. I ate on my own, I went to a bar and drank a bottle of wine on my own, I explored on my own, I sat and thought on my own, and after it all I realised that all I needed was me. Nobody in this world was going to bring me out of my unhappiness. I had to do that on my own. Now I know that when I do meet the person that makes my heart burst, I’ll be sure, because I’m sure of who I am and what I deserve.
Here’s something I’m going to leave you with, which always makes me happy to read;
“You are beginning to understand, aren’t you? That the whole world is inside you: in your perspectives and in your heart. That to be able to find leave, you must be at peace with yourself first; and to truly enjoy life, you must enjoy who you are; and once you learn how to master this, you will be protected for, everything that makes you feel like you can not go on, that with this gift of recognizing yourself, even when you are alone, you will never be lonely.”